Category Archives: Writing

Escape from the island of the author’s ego

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How do writers keep their perspective?

Because I believe that all writers – all creative people of any kind, really — have egos that are about eight years old and prone to jealousy and heartache. Some just keep theirs better tucked away than others.

And in my experience, ego does not correlate in any way to talent. The least capable fanfic writer I know seldom fails to suggest that whoever he is reviewing got the best thing in his or her story from something he wrote in one of his. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling obviously felt the need to prove she could get a contract and good reviews, if not her usual stellar sales, under a pseudonym. And slurs, real or perceived, have inspired quite a number of famous  literary feuds.

You would think self-publishing has a certain built-in antidote to the author’s ego – after all, I’m putting this stuff out myself. It’s not exactly worth strutting about. I don’t tend to read self-published stuff myself. Why would I expect other people to?

(Because it’s mine, of course. Mine, mine, mine! And I’m brilliant!)

So this little exercise in self-publishing, still in the shakedown cruise, has been a real test of my ability to remain neutral in regard to my own work.

It has also taught me why I must.

Because for every nice comment I’ve gotten from someone, or nice review, or note passed along by a supportive friend, there are also the constant sobering notes which I could interpret as cruel, heartless slaps in the face. When in fact they are simply, you know, reality.

Like when I realize I’m totally boring some people with this stuff.

Or when I do the math and realize that of the many friends who have expressed some interest or even intent to buy, a fair number could not actually have spent the four bucks to do so. In other cases I’ve been surprised by some who haven’t left a review anywhere it would help me. (Let me interrupt here to express my eternal gratitude to those who have.)

On this last matter of missing reviews my eight-year-old ego (okay, five years old) is seriously prone to brooding. Is it because 1) they never began it 2) they never finished it, 3) they didn’t really like it all that much, 4) they think it has issues I won’t want to hear about 5) they think it’s awful, 6) I haven’t asked for it often or specifically enough, 7) they remember liking it but not enough specifics about it to write a review,  8) they have never left a review before and don’t know how, 9) they think it’s ethically dodgy to do, or 10) they just didn’t get around to it?

See what I mean about brooding? (Meanwhile, that last reason I should be able to relate to, because God knows I’m guilty of it myself. I have little good karma built up in this matter.)

There’s only one way to survive this: breathe deeply and let it go.

So I rub my tender ego on the back, say “There, there” in the most soothing way I can (maybe offer it some chocolate), and then turn to the next project for at least as long as it takes to get excited about it. Distraction is our friend.

How about you? If you’re a writer or put yourself out there creatively in other ways, what do you do to keep your perspective?

 

How my heroine shamed me into volunteer work

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Those of you who’ve read The Awful Mess: A Love Story know that my protagonist, Mary, takes up volunteering in a food pantry and finds much satisfaction in doing so, even as she fears she may have to take advantage of the services herself one day.

I’m not sure where that idea came from, exactly, when I was writing. I don’t write with an outline, and in any case I started writing that novel over ten years ago. No doubt in my mind it had something to do with Mary making connections in her new  town, something that would become necessary to her happiness and possibly even her survival later on.

I had participated in one or two food drives and a Habitat build at various churches we’d belonged to, but I didn’t have any significant experience as a volunteer outside of church and my son’s school.

We were still fairly new to our new home outside of Albany, New York, and I was freelancing instead of working full time. For the first time in my life, I had real time to volunteer. But if someone asked me where I’d gotten my information about volunteering in a food pantry, I’d really have nothing to say. I’d just guessed at how it would work.

It was an embarrassing realization that my heroine was doing more for her community than I was.

Not long after a small piece in the local advertiser caught my eye. The local food pantry, Doors of Hope, was hosting an open house, and needed regular workers.

And so, years later (I honestly can’t remember when I started), I’m still a weekly volunteer with a morning shift at this thrift shop/food pantry operation in West Sand Lake, New York.
Like most volunteers, I know that I actually get more out of it than I give – in this case, rather literally, because it’s allowed me to clothe my family very cheaply during my years of part-time adjunct work. Instead of paying retail I’ve learned to simply wait. Sooner or later almost anything we need shows up in the thrift shop during my shift, at ridiculously low prices.

I’ve also made friends, and become more embedded in our community, and learned that people of every political and religious stripe really can come together to do good work, which was kind of the point of the novel in the first place.

So … thank you, Mary. I needed that.

And my top two reasons to indie-publish are…

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#2. Low expectations

Anything I get from this enterprise feels like gravy. I don’t have to invest many thousands in this, or feel like a great big public failure if my writing brings me less than twenty bucks a month. Anything I get is something I might not have had otherwise. I can wait years for sales to grow (or not). In the meantime, see #10. So hoorah!

But the very best reason to do this right now is…

#1. I’m having more trouble finding my car in parking lots.

There comes a time when you realize maybe you’d better start crossing things off your list if you really want to get them accomplished.

I’ve been pretty absent-minded all my life, so losing my car doesn’t actually worry me as much as it should, but it does remind me that I’m not getting any younger.

Indie publishing allows me to seize the day while there’s still some daylight out there.

Top ten reasons to indie-publish: #5, #4, #3

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#5. Fewer rejections.

After working in advertising, I’m pretty thick-skinned, but even for me a big pile of rejections – even kind ones – took on a certain critical mass after awhile. Not being able to publish sapped my desire to write original fiction (after some sad flailing about with attempts at more “marketable” revisions that I ultimately ended up discarding). This was perhaps especially true since I didn’t have any conviction that finally succeeding in publishing the first book would translate into a thriving career.

I have to applaud those who persist, like my friend Jenny Milchman, who doggedly wrote a number of novels before her official debut suspense novel, Cover of Snow, made it to print this year. It perhaps helped that she encountered some interest early on. Even when publication got THIS close and then nothing happened, she somehow drew strength from that and plowed ahead to develop what strikes me as quite possibly the best-crafted debut novelist’s platform in the entire history of publishing. Jenny is amazing!

Strangely enough, though, watching her and a number of other well-published authors at a lively, well-attended writer’s panel at The Book House in Stuyvesant Plaza this last spring helped clarify for me that I just didn’t want to do things that way. (That’s assuming I even could, of course, but this is called Sheer Hubris Press for a reason.)

#4. Now I have a reason to keep writing!

See above. Sales would be very nice, but the truth is that simply getting some thoughtful reviews from total strangers would be enough to keep me happily writing. But without any reasonable hope of ever finding an audience during my lifetime,? Writing is really a conversation with the readers you hope are out there. Here’s my chance — I hope — to find some and hear something back once in awhile.

#3. I don’t have to hide my (shhhh!) fanfic habit.

The success of Shades of Grey has perhaps made it more acceptable for writers to have a fanfic background, and in science fiction there has long been a tradition of moving from fanfic to publication. In my genre it’s far more likely to generate pitying smiles. Therefore I’ve generally tried to keep my fanfic habit separate from my professional life.

But the thing is, I’ve had tremendous fun with fanfic. It’s allowed me to ‘publish’ at will, earn reviews, gain loyal readers from around the world, and make some wonderful friends. As an indie-published author, I don’t need to worry about being ‘outed.’ The folks who are likely to sneer at such things will already be sneering at me for self-publishing.

Instead I can out myself and hope it will gain me a few sales … and in fact it already has. In fact, I suspect that writing more fanfic in other fandoms, especially larger ones, or those more closely related to my novel genre, might actually be the single most productive way to market my original work. Or it might be if I had unlimited time, anyway.

The last two reasons come Monday. (I’m going to try to stick to a Monday and Wednesday publishing schedule here.) How about you? If you’re a self-published writer, what are your reasons for doing this?

My top ten reasons to indie-publish ebooks: #10 and #9

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Reason #10. I’m forced to learn new skills.

This is not a bad thing for a woman in her fifties. I’m not a complete stranger to html, but widgets and plugins? Or Twitter? Or simply blogging? Oh my. With the possible exception of now juggling multiple Facebook accounts, managing this web site is the most consistently confounding task I face as an indie author, and I can’t help fearing that some really bored hacker could hijack it all with a flick of a finger. It’s fun in the meantime, though.

Reason #9. Traditional publishing owes me nothing … and vice versa.

My husband has a steady job as a state employee, but that’s a modest living, and I’ve earned nothing but a freelance or adjunct salary for the last eleven years since the last publishing division I worked in was shut down and sold off in pieces by its corporate owner. Today I mostly buy books out of thrift stores, and occasionally Amazon because it’s cheap. More than anything else, I borrow them from the library (and I’m a library trustee, so I walk the walk on that one).

M.J. Rose and other authors can tell me I should always buy other writers’ books, and, yes, I’m sure it’s good karma. However, they don’t have to pay my mortgage, or buy the gas to get there, or find a way to store or somehow redistribute all those physical books. Yes, I do buy books full retail occasionally. It’s either a gift or a rare splurge or the writer is standing right there to be offended if I don’t.

I do feel some loyalty to bookstores, but that’s more nostalgia than anything else. That’s even though I owe a debt of gratitude to the Borders across the river, now shut, and to the Barnes and Noble now, for housing my writing group. I always do buy something, but I’m afraid it’s usually just a latte.

Still, the fundamental truth is that bookstores, like traditional publishers, are businesses … as this is. I’d like to think there’s room for all of us.

 

(To be continued)

 

Mark Coker makes me feel good

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Coker always makes me feel good about what I’m doing.  I think he may be ignoring the importance of having some way of separating readable stuff from the rest, but I expect we’ll be seeing new mechanisms arise to help readers navigate through this exciting mess.